Part 2 and 3 - Resolved and What I havce learn't from this situatiuon.

From what I have written in my previous two blogs, I have looked at each paragraph and written down solutions to most of the problems that were happening. As soon as I wrote down solutions to the things and events that happened and tried to make sense of it, it became very clear where I went wrong and I now know a lot more.

Here are the solutions:

• I had given up most of my time in the afternoon and evening to speak to Liam when I should of been investing more time on something I wanted to do. I love playing piano, so I could have practiced for two hours rather than talking to Liam for an extra two hours.
• At first I thought the whole situation to be fun and light, which it was, I didn't think much of it and this is why our friendship happened and probably why he took an interest in me.
• When I met Liam for the first time, I wasn't thinking about anything other than just enjoying his company and how I felt around him and it was really nice. That is why the friendship worked.
• I recommend the book Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov. This book helped me a lot! I if you are having the same problems as I did I suggest you read it.
• Never FALL in love with someone. You can BE in love with someone but never fall in love with someone that is when it gets complicated. Being in love with someone is different and if you would like me to explain further what I mean by that, then please leave a comment below.
• When he mentioned that he was going to Uni in Spetember. Instead of feeling downhearted, I should of asked whether he needed help packing his bags. More importantly I should have been happy for him.
• When the kiss happened and when I was starting to FALL in love with him, I imagined that he had done the same. I was expecting him to ask me out, but when he didn't I started to DOUBT him. Now when you doubt someone. this is the first sign that you don't trust the other person. I didn't trust him and then he ignored me for a long time. I thought this was because he was having doubt about me and didn't want to speak to me. When I look back on it, I started to see a different perspective. He was obviously making a big decision about Uni (needed time to think), plus he also could have been seeing how I would react without contact and I reacted badly!
• He didn't speak to me for two weeks, clearly he was dealing with issues of his own and I wasn't helping myself by being angry. What I should of done was just shrugged my shoulders and moved on, done stuff with my time, decide what I was going to do and stuff that would fufill my needs. It could have been that he was seeing that other girl I think I mentioned and liked her more. Either way I just wasn't dealing with it well, I made his concern, my concern and expecting him to be in a relationship when clearly he was thinking and dealing with other things. I wasn't there as a friend and I wasn't doing me any favours either.
• He obviously did care as he had mentioned my statuses. I was not helping myself, I should of been there as a friend and most importantly I should of made my concerns more important than his.
• When my name got mentioned - when he shrugged his shoulders it did hurt when my friend told me, but at the same time if somneone mentioned him I should of done exactly the same or being a little less harsh mention that he was a friend. Done. I know what Jon is like to he could of asked him whilst he was playing and when you mix girls and sport together just nah.
• On the train journey he should have been straight with me of course. He should have said something like 'I hope your okay, just to let you know that I have found a different course and that I have met someone' Okay I would be hurt but at least he could admit it! In fact if the friendship or whatever it was fizzled out then honestly I should of just got on with it, and moved on.
• I was pushing him away as a friend why?

1. I didn't trust him
2. No communication
3. He was dealing with things that had nothing to do with me andI kept interferring.
4. I didn't see him as just a friend, a friend I happened to of made out with, I did the complete opposite.

I can tell why I had pushed him away I wasn't myself!! Where on earth did I go?, I was making him my life for a relationship and not really thinking about him as a person! VERY DANGERUOUS!

• When I heard that he was going out with someone else, no wonder it was probably easier for him as she was on the same course and it is a new fresh start, no complications!. If a man doesn't invest time for you, then you don't have the time for him simple as!!!
• This whole situation however really shook my confidence. I lived in fear that people didn't like me, I didn't particularly like my job, I was being pushed around. When his life was going well, mine wasn't. What I had noticed is when someone like Liam comes along and everything is just 'perfect' with them, it becomes almost like a drug. To save myself from the spiralling downhill feeling about everything bad that was happening in my life, I would get happy by thinking about him. Then I would think about what happened with Liam and how it all ended badly, then I would be really low. This is a dangerous thing and I didn't realise I was doing this and how extreme it was. That is why when people think that Liam was just a guy in my life, I don't think they understand how extreme it was.
• The more I kept comparing with Liam's life the more I spiralled down in to eventually what became depression.

Eventually I took my life in to my own hands (almost like cold turkey). I knew eventually that I would have to get out of this state I had made myself. I was responsible for my happiness not Liam. When I started my new course and started to feel more myself again and think more of me and what I wanted, things have become a lot clearer for me. This power of now has been almost theraputic.

I am glad and completely devastated that it all happened but what can you do. You learn from your mistakes. MY HAPPINESS IS KEY and it doesn't matter if Liam ends up in a mansion with 12 kids and a wife he has had for 15years, it doesn't matter, even if I end up waiting tables for the rest of my life, single. As long as I am happy, that is all that matters. Be selfish with your life, you only have one chance and wasting it on other peoples selfishness is pointless.

Liam: I could make you happy
Me: You could but I can make myself a whole lot happier so I would like to see you try. ;)

Thanks for reading,
Naomi